Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
