I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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