im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
