you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
