its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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