i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
