Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
