when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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