Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
