This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
