Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
