Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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