i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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