I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
