It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
