you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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