yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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