He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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