It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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