My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
