This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
