how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
