You were right. It hurts to walk today.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I want her autograph on my taint
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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