yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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