Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
