I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
