i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
