Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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