Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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