if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
