The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
