What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
