and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
