May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
