You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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