he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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