I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
