She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
