Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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