you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Randomize
