Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
