I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
