The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
