Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
