I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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