I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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