i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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