Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
