Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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