If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
