census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
