im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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